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Sanctimonious Ass Leann Rimes Acts as if She’s Cured AIDS

September 16, 2010
For some unknown reason, Leann Rimes, who you may remember had a country music career once, was given the cover of Shape magazine this month. It’s about as WTF as you’d imagine it would be, for the three of you out there who care. For the rest of you who surely have better things to do with your time than keep up with this kid, I’ll keep it short: the only reason we’re still hearing about this twit is because she filmed a Lifetime movie with Eddie Cibrian, who you’ve also never heard of. Anyway, Eddie Cibrian was married at the time to Brandi Glanville, and had two kids with her, too. Leann was also married to her former backup dancer, a guy named Dean who, to be perfectly upfront, pings on my gaydar like Elton John at a toga party.
Neither of these spouses precluded Rimes or Cibrian from jumping all over each other like flies on shit, and they didn’t even try to hide their ridiculous and stupid affair. Anyway, the news broke, Cibrian divorced his (now super bitter) wife Brandi, and Leann and Eddie are currently carrying on with each other until something better (read: newer, shinier, richer) comes along. Love. It’s a beautiful thing.
Back to Shape magazine: In the issue, which hits stands on September 20, Leann fesses up about being a lyin’, cheatin’ hussy by saying, “I understand why people are disappointed in me, especially since I grew up as America’s sweetheart” (presented without comment, you delusional child), “I think any relationship is hard to get out of, and I don’t think the way I did it was right.” At first I thought, well, good for her, at least she realizes that she did a stupid thing in a very public way and is moving on with her life. Except.
She goes on to say that the “most important thing” about these experiences (i.e. homewrecking other housewives) is “cultivating strength from rough situations.” So she wants us to believe that this rough situation, which I remind you she had a part in causing, made her a stronger, better person. Or something. Oh and also: of her divorce, she says, “After going through this, I know I can face anything.” As if the bitch got sprung from Auschwitz! As if she singlehandedly saved 300 children from a burning orphanage! As if she landed a plane on the goddamn Hudson River without losing a single. fucking. passenger. This bitch. I can’t.
I might go easier on her if she didn’t spend so much time tweeting about how she’s obsessed with Cibrian and basically insinuating herself as a world’s best mom to Cibrian and Glanville’s two sons. There is something different when you’re a stepmother rather than trying to replace the biological mom, and the fact that Rimes doesn’t even seem to realize this makes it all the more clear what a sickly saccharine headcase she is.  [Thanks to People.]
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