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Judge Revel steps in to save the day.

July 7, 2010

ETA: So City Rag beat me to the most awesome compendium of Lolhan pictures ever. Check them out here. Also in updates: Lolz might get more jail time for contempt of court, because our little darling painted “Fuck U” on her middle fingernail either before/during the hearing. Such a prize, yes? She’ll likely do around a total of 23 days and she’ll be in isolation because she’s a pretty princess and those other hags inmates are not. Oh, and Michael Lohan went and partied last night, and joked, “I should call Lindsay and make her jealous.” Nope. Not kidding. So yeah, let’s all give Lolz a hand for living as long as she did and hope she gets to spend her 23 days, at the very least, detoxing from her fucking family.

I’ve already beaten a dead/dying horse with this Lolzhan thing, and I do feel moderately bad for the girl (despite my conflicted feelings that she also doesn’t deserve anyone’s pity at this point), so let’s just sum some shit up, shall we?

Yesterday Lindz had to go to a hearing to see if she’d violated her probation. Half the free world knows she has, because her SCRAM bracelet went off and the company charged with investigating the results seemed quite sure that it wasn’t something as trivial as alcohol spillage on her bracelet. And in anecdotal evidence, it says plenty about a young woman sentenced to alcohol education classes and a SCRAM bracelet (among other things) who continues to go out every single night a week – regardless of whether she was drinking or not.

In absolutely no surprise to anyone, Judge Marsha Revel (who this entire time has been at the end of her judicial rope with Lohan’s shit), found our favorite little drunken, troubled tart guilty of probation violations, and sentenced her to 90 days in jail (3- 30 day stints for separate violations/infractions) AND a 90-day inpatient rehab stay. After all of the above, she’ll also have real probation to contend with, including another monitoring bracelet and regular drug tests. Dina Lohan, sit down already.

Call me cynical, but I just don’t believe the jail time will do much to deter already damaged behavior. Likely, she will be in jail for less than a month (overcrowding made her 30 day sentence a couple of years ago last all of 84 minutes). But I DO think her rehab stint will be good for her, and genuinely hope that she gets the help and healing she needs there. At this point, I’m taking my dog out of the fight and just hoping for the best for that one.

In case you’re the type that loves a good smoldering car crash (and if you’re here, you probably are), here is a link to Lohan’s crack performance of the year (crocodile tears to the nth degree) and a summary of the shit that went down yesterday, courtesy of Celebitchy.

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